Comments on Kaboom: A Soldier's War Journal: Numb

I really like some of the stuff you write. Unfortu...

2008-05-18T18:40:00.000-07:00

I really like some of the stuff you write. Unfortunatly, one of the reasons the writing is so good is because your situation is jamming the fast forward button on your life. You're being forced into examining perspectives most people don't get to even if they live a long, full, life. Not fair to you, but we get to read it. Please take care of yourself, and step aside from the stress as much as possible. Thanks!

Yeah, when you are really in the suck, you get tha...

2008-05-13T22:11:00.000-07:00

Yeah, when you are really in the suck, you get that feeling of some sort of kinship? connection? I dunno what, but you feel this thread running through you after having passed through grunts in other times, other places you never knew.

Right now it probably feels like you are drowning in an abyss, with the world you know far away from you, but don't worry; as long as you don't make any sudden moves, you will get to the bottom, and your feet will be on solid ground again. Then you can walk ashore.

When you get back, it will probably shock you how people will not be able to understand something that is so obvious to you.

They have not eaten fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, so they know not how naked they are.

God, that somehow sounds both condescending *and* dismissive.

Forget what I just wrote, Lieutenant.
Embrace the suck now.
Sort out the details when you finish your tour.

Yeah, when you are really in the suck, you get tha...

2008-05-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

God bless, take care.

2008-05-12T10:44:00.000-07:00

God bless, take care.

I'm so sorry...but thank you so much for writing t...

2008-05-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

I'm so sorry...but thank you so much for writing this journal. I so much want to know what is going on over there without all the media nonsense...anyway, Godspeed to you and your soldiers. All the best...

A complex post, LT G. We've all had the same kind...

2008-05-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

A complex post, LT G. We've all had the same kind of feelings, but rarely to the same degree. In this case, a difference of degree may be more important than a difference of kind. (See "Fallacy of Degree," a common species of illogical thinking.) In other words, I've been numb, but I cannot truly identify with what you feel.

I can, certainly, identify with your father and his wise words. And it gave me a chill for your mother to quote "American Tune," which captures America's loss of innocence in a way that is both critical and ennobling. You have a nobility yourself.

Best for me to remember that one's Self is many selves, and I can be numb one day and exhilirated the next. Old Hasidic story about Rabbi Moshe, who always had two pieces of paper with him, one in each front pants pocket. One said: "I am he for whom the earth was created." The other: "I am dust and ashes." So we beat on, boats against the current.

Good luck in all ways.

Commenter. 31. Gee. Thanks. For. The. Tough guy. W...

2008-05-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

Commenter. 31. Gee. Thanks. For. The. Tough guy. Words. Real. Helpful. That. Is. Pretty. Much. What. He. Said. He. Is. Doing. In. The. Post. Just. Much. More. Eloqeuntly. Than. You. Do. Not. Be. A. Douchebag.

Soldier on, LT. Take care of your your troops. F...

2008-05-11T07:02:00.000-07:00

Soldier on, LT. Take care of your your troops. Focus on them. They need you. You can do it. Move out.

Back in the old days my dad would talk about his w...

2008-05-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

Back in the old days my dad would talk about his war experiences. He went through some serious shit in Korea. Then he went to Vietnam, and he didn't talk about war after that. I got called home from my second deployment in OIF to be at his funeral, and there he was, with his two bronze stars with shiney little V's on them. (They should have been Silver Stars at the least but that's Army politics for you.) We knew what one was for, but we never ever found out about the second. He wouldn't talk about it. I was in my best Navy uniform with all my "he was there" medals and the preacher was talking about how my dad was a hero and I was following the family tradition, and I was a hero too. Oh, please. Give me a break. I was in the rear with the gear (not by choice but there I was anyway) and the preacher didn't seem to know there was a huge difference between my experiences and my dads. I let it go, because, well, the man just didn't know. Most Americans don't know, and they don't want to know either. You'll get through this, in most ways. Yes, you'll have nightmares in your old age. Yes, you'll wonder for the rest of your life what it was all for, if it was worth the price. But, you'll get through it. Take care of your soldiers, take care of yourself and let God take care of the other stuff. When you get back, think about joining a veterans organization like the VFW. You may not want to talk about it, but eventually you'll have to, and those organizations are the only places where people know what you're talking about, even if you never say a word. God Bless.

I was feeling the same way right before I went on ...

2008-05-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

I was feeling the same way right before I went on RnR and we were looking at the 6 day curse. I'm home now but thrown head first into a world of dance, soccer, and softball practices.I feel comfortable only talking to people that have btdt, dog barking drives me crazy and I can't understand wtf the people at Picerne can't come and do something so simple as fix my shelf on my refrigerator.I took a soldier to Jag the other day because real life hit him in the face and his wife is a cheating bitch and that makes 5 within the platoon.A cannon went off for a COC nearby and a chill went down my spine, on the way back I stopped at the on post memorial for the soldier's of Fort Riley and touched etched stone of those I witnessed killed on a hot summer day with vivid images passing through my mind and tears finding there ways to the corners of my eyes. I feel like in the end all we have is each other us who were there dealing with the mundane, the terrifying and all the many other adjectives you use to describe the GWOT.God bless you sir and stay safe.

As I wait for my sig. other to even get to R&R -- ...

2008-05-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

As I wait for my sig. other to even get to R&R -- there are days he'll say, Today is one of those days that remind you how f-ed up it is.
We exchange e-mails as often as possible and letters and cards and I try to judge his moods. He worries about his guys and I worry about him. And we go on.
Stay safe.
Kath

Yeah, it aint supposed to be good. If it was good,...

2008-05-10T12:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it aint supposed to be good. If it was good, you'd see more politicos and profiteers kids there, too.
tell you what- it blew me outta the water (by water, I mean the sea in which 99% of the country swims, so familiar they dont even see it) and I aint never dove back in. ever.
No, its fubar, its your lot, the home front is jammed packed with nitwits......
And the details have changed sine the Phillipines, but the damn reasons aint.
yeah- fix on yr senior NCO's, get you & the Gravediggers the hell home.
But you aint never gonna be the same, you will never again "fit in".
And if you like your world reality- based, thats a good thing.
Jump o that leave- youll be sharper on your return, & your crew needs that......
love, as ever.........

The more I read and the more I try to understand.....

2008-05-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

The more I read and the more I try to understand...I realize I am not okay with any of this...who can be? I seek answers, yet I only find more questions. The only thing I have for sure is the utmost gratitude and love for each and every person who has put their life on the line in order to protect our nation....small....yet all I have.

Dear Son,It has taken me awhile to gather my thoug...

2008-05-10T11:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Son,

It has taken me awhile to gather my thoughts regarding your "Numb" posting.

What can I say?

What should I say?

What should I do?

I'm not sure.

I realize I may not be able to fully understand or comprehend your current experience and feelings - that may be a privilege reserved for your band of brothers - and those bands of yesterday - and perhaps those of tomorrow.

While my paternal instinct is to tell you, as I did when you were a child, don't worry it's going to be alright, I realize such words at this time, under these circumstances, are not mine to utter.

So if I can't offer any fathrely words of wisdom, what can I do?

I can do one thing.

I can listen.

I can listen to you.

I can listen to your band of brothers.

And if I listen, I just may learn.

And if I listen, maybe others will too.

And maybe others may learn too.

Maybe, we can learn from listening.

Maybe.

Just maybe.

Yes, just maybe we can.

I'm listening.

With all my love and respect,

Dad

Amen brother.R.C.Oruzgan provnice

2008-05-10T08:14:00.000-07:00

Amen brother.
R.C.
Oruzgan provnice

1. Agree with May 9 3:58 and Old Vet.2. Am another...

2008-05-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

1. Agree with May 9 3:58 and Old Vet.
2. Am another old vet.
3. Burn out is burn out.
4. Profound, that.
5. At this point, true professionals stay on task and STAY CAREFUL.
6. Some of what you have lost will come back, some won't. That's the biz.
7. Starting to worry about you.
8. Reiterate TMJUTAH: listen to NCO's and let troops lift you up (continue that).
Hang tough guy.
Geezer vet who remembers a lot of the same stuff from 40 years back.

Soldier on boss. You're troop and you need to stay...

2008-05-10T02:42:00.000-07:00

Soldier on boss. You're troop and you need to stay the course for your own Safety.

No one here has marginalized the effort of you men and women, 'cept the players in DC. They control the media and the media controls them. Ergo they have marginalized themselves to those who have an eye open. And our eye is firmly upon you, hoping that the words we speak will ensure your benefit when you DO come home to us. But this is our endeavor for the moment.

Yours is to simply and carefully soldier on boss.

Peace

TWM

Don't know what I can add, my father only talked a...

2008-05-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

Don't know what I can add, my father only talked a little about Leyete and Okinawa after I returned from Vietnam and I honor that trust. I do know that I was never comfortable with the American noise (media, politicians, hippie fools) that didn't understand or care what we left in Vietnam - bring it all back home with you.

Capt. and/or Maj.,LT G needs to get off the line f...

2008-05-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

Capt. and/or Maj.,

LT G needs to get off the line for a bit. Not too long, just a bit of R&R. Time to be a CO.

Old combat vet.

LT -Now's when you really listen to your sergeants...

2008-05-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

LT -

Now's when you really listen to your sergeants. Okay?

Good.

Thank you for your service.

I was privileged to spend two hours at a table with five Golden Lions one snowy December 16th evening, on the back patio of a VFW post back in Texas in the early nineteen eighties.

Amazing men.

As are you, LT. Thanks, again.

I don't know what to say other than to assure you ...

2008-05-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to say other than to assure you that you make your readers think and feel. This is the best way to make people understand and avoid foolishness, chickenhawking and apathy. This IS worth your time. Thank you.

Can't add much to what is already expressed. The ...

2008-05-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

Can't add much to what is already expressed. The persistence of the days and duty wear upon you. Praying for strength and inner fortitude to carry you and the Gravediggers through the remaining two-thirds of this tour. Safe travels, and your kudos to your mom once again.
Cathy B

Yeppo. Mine was like that, only way different. E...

2008-05-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

Yeppo. Mine was like that, only way different. Except for the part about assaulting fools. In the eighteen months after I was discharged, I had 11 assault arrests, no convictions. People get in your face, or say stupid shit, or just stand there sucking. And you realize you risked your life so they could just stand there, stupid, arrogant and sucking your air.

Long story short. They don't know. Just like you didn't know before, they can't know. This is normal. You are normal. The world around you is not normal. IT is insane. Don't be dismayed if some of it rubs off on you.

You can/will get over it. You're probably wondering what you want to keep, and what to throw. My only insight, 40 years later, is that I let an anxious and guilt ridden society scapegoat me for my part in it. And, to assauge their cowardice, they denied the spiritual awakening that I, and all men, endure.

Sort of a celestial, "Aww shit!" moment. You're right on with a great number of your observations. The anger is appropriate. Fuck it, endure, survive, is appropriate. Burn-out is appropriate. Giving a shit is appropriate. None of that shit is GI Joe/John Wayne stuff, so, no, nobody wants to hear it. Not now. Not ever.

My service was way different than a rubber-tired tank in the desert. It's stuff that I don't want to talk about. But the realizations were the same. FWIW, if you go commercial fishing in Alaska, the thing we did to the new guys was; get 'em drunk.

The real person comes out. I don't know how crowded a Stryker is inside, but a commerical boat gets real small if one of your crewmen is crazy. Really, really, small.

Better to find that out at the dock, in the tav. You see those boats get smaller after they leave the dock? It's not an illusion. They really do.

Oh, yeah, the parades. . . It's psychologically necessary. You need to do it. It won't be over untill you do. I know. It wasn't over untill just recently when we were in the Tacoma/Puyallup (Ft Lewis area) Daffodill Parade. It just has to be done. You won't know what I'm saying until you do it yourself. When it's over, you'll know it had to be done.

Flippant? It's a valid defense mechanism. Dark humor, sarcasm, carefully annotated despair. . . all of it real. All of it valid. All of it functional.

You're doing as well as could be expected. Actually, way better than that. I hope you make it back.

G,I can feel your emotions coming thru this and wa...

2008-05-09T15:34:00.000-07:00

G,

I can feel your emotions coming thru this and want to offer the only suggestion I know. During my 'almost' back to back deployments from OEF to OIF, the 91st Psalm helped alot. The toughest part is seeing your troop suffer emotionally, at least it was for me. Best wishes to you and your men.

It is easy to see where Lt.G got his love for and ...

2008-05-09T15:22:00.000-07:00

It is easy to see where Lt.G got his love for and ability to easily quote the appropriate literary quote(s).